My thoughts are ... balancing again. I want to go to the left ... but i consider to go to the right also ... but what if i should experience both directions?! … written by the romanian writter Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
I started to write … as a way of becoming my own therapist.
I was analyzing and defining everything around me … but i ended realizing that i need to analyze and define just one thing … my soul.
Everything else … was just a reflection.
I wanted to know what is wrong with me … that my life looked like a … non sense, but it was nothing wrong.
I was changing my thoughts again and again and again …. living contradictory experiences.
I was happy …. then i was sad.
I could not even define so well … the concept of … vibe …. but i was still hoping that going to the therapist … even if i was the therapist … i will heal myself.
Did i succeeded?!
Well … my life continues with or without that success
… but i became much open minded.
I started to love being on a beautiful vibe and appreciate those days … but i was also accepting the bad days … the ones with ugly vibes … just as part of life.
And understanding that my main plan for life should be to become …. a wise person … i stared to accept all what was going on … even the balance of my contradictory emotions.
To make it sound great … in a motivational way … i called it … the dance of my emotions.
It was ruing my soul and my mind, but i could not control it … till the moment when i accepted that i don’t need to control anything at all in this life … not even myself.
All i had to do … was to experience the life itself.
This was the day when i saw for the first time that the unhappy moments of my life were just a life lesson or the signal that i am not on the path to the happiness … which in fact was obvious …. but i had been blind till that time.
The balance of emotions continued … but i was not carrying anymore.
I even started to like that i have such a large spectrum of feelings and experiences in my life … and i was thanking to the Universe … that i don’t have a boring life.
I also understood … as a final conclusion of my therapy … that i am not my thoughts or my emotions … and i can have any other thoughts or emotions i wanted.
It was all … just a decision.
A very simple one.
I stoped complaining about the balance … and guess what?!
It stoped … and i started to feel … much … much better.
For the first time … i felt again connected to myself … to that inner self … that was the gateway to the Infinite.
By accepting reality … my life started to be a little bit different … and maybe i was starting my journey to a real beautiful life.
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